I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
