My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
