I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
