Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
