Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
