Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
