Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
