So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I came so hard my ears popped.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize