Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
