i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
