We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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