i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
