I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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