Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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