No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
