You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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