She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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