i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
