a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it's like heaven, but drunker
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
