So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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