i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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