my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
