you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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