Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
