i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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