i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
