ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
