The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
