I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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