Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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