please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
