I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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