Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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