Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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