I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
