guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
