Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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