you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
