i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
