All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
