I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
