I accidentally had phone sex last night
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
