the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
