Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
