upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No stitches, just platelets and will power
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
