Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
