Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
