I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
