"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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