My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
4 words: hood of his car
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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