i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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