I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
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Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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