Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
