U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize