Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
