"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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