My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
