Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
