is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
