He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
