Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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