Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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