We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
