Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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