The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
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Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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