You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
