Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
