so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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