bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
