You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
