After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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