So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
