Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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