we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
