I cannot find my penis.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
