I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
