I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
