Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
BRING THE BAGELS
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
