I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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