Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
