i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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