when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
